Dirk: Understand
by centreoftheselights
Summary: Your name is Dirk Strider and you are fifteen years old.    Your bro walked out the door two weeks ago and left you with nothing but a mysterious note.    You suppose you'd better contact this twinArmageddons person.
1. Dave: Disappear

Your name is Dirk Strider. You are fifteen years old and your bro just went out.

Your bro does that a lot. He has shit to do and places to be. You don't mind having the place to yourself – you're used to it. You guess it's kind of cool having another human to strife every now and then, but you aren't fussed. It's not like you're going to flip your shit because he leaves you on your own a couple of days.

I mean look at that, he's even gone and left a note on the fridge. Look at that stellar sibling-parenting.

sup

im not going to be back for a while so youd better not break any of my shit while im gone or screw up the apartment too bad

actually fuck that do what you like with the place what do i care

im not coming back bro

im going out and im not ever coming back

today im going to die and i know you arent going to believe that but im totes for realz right now i am capital d dead

ill do my best to make sure they dont find the body and send you to some crappy foster home i mean come on your fifteen you know how to handle yourself by now for fucks sake

i cant really explain whats going on but theres some major shit going down and you need to talk to twin armageddons

not to sound like a total bitch but this is important you have to do this bro

dont screw up

Welp.

* * *

><p>You don't so much as blink as you read the note, just in case there's a hidden camera somewhere. Your bro might not be around much, but you've caught the wrong end of his pranks before, and you figure this is just another one.<p>

After all, it's not unusual for him to stay out for a night. Or two. Or three. Or a week.

On the tenth day, you break down and text him, and immediately regret it. Now he'll know he got to you. He's probably just gone on an unscheduled trip to California and forgotten to call you. He's always called before, but the dude has a lot of irons in the fire…

A day later, he still hasn't answered. You try Pesterchum this time, but he isn't online. Well, he's always losing computers, it's not that unusual.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: hey dsirti

TG: *distri

TG: you konw whats weeeeeeeidr

TG: *

TG: i havent sene my mom in liek

TG: tow weeks

TG: *22 weesk

TG: *2 wekes

TG: distri

TG: drik

TG: dirk

TG: u there?

Your bro isn't dead. That much is obvious. Dudes that cool don't just write some note and walk out the door and die. It's impossible.

He definitely wouldn't… do something… well. Uncool.

But either he's forgotten he set this prank up or he's expecting you to follow through with his demand in spite of the sheer ridiculousness of his premise.

You suppose you had better track down this twinArmageddons person so they can tell you that your bro is not really dead.

You open Pesterchum. A user search brings up one name, but there's something strange about it. It takes you a moment to place what it is.

The profile is blank. And not normal, can't be bothered to fill it in, left as deafault blank. There are no comments, no friends, no nothing.

Not even a time of last log in.

It's almost guaranteed to just be a glitch, and absolutely not a reason for all the hairs on your neck to rise up or for your finger to shake at all as you click the link (shouldn't that not appear until you've sent a friend request? Just another glitch…) labelled 'pester.'

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: what the fuck is the pr0blem this time lalonde?

What.


	2. Sollux: Mistake Identity

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: what the fuck is the pr0blem this time lalonde?

TA: y0u arent supposed t0 be back in range for an0ther week.

TA: and what did you d0 to y0ur text col0r?

There really isn't a lot you can say to that, except the obvious.

TT: I'm not Lalonde.

You think about that for a second, and decide that full disclosure is definitely more likely to get you answers in this situation.

It's already too fucking weird.

TT: Although I am acquainted with a girl by that name.

TA: oh ha ha.

TA: hilari0us.

TA: any particular reason f0r the new handle, ll?

TA: or am i supp0sed to believe 0ne of the 0thers stole y0ur abbreviation then ate y0ur thesaurus?

TA: the only 0ne who talks at all like y0u is kn, and why would she start typing the c0lor 0f your wardr0be?

Well. There's currently a zero per cent chance you understood a word of that.

Fuck it. You need answers, and this guy is the only chance you'll get them. Stranger danger is for kids without katanas.

TT: My name is not Lalonde. It's Strider.

TT: Am I to understand you know RoLal?

TA: now i kn0w youre talking bs.

TA: the day dave strider learns punctuati0n is the day the green sun explodes f0r real.

TA: and what kind of stupid name is rolal?

TA: s0unds like you fucked up a planet.

What was that?

TT: You knew Dave Strider?

TA: 0kay ill play along.

TA: yes, i kn0w the douchebag in the red h0odie and dark glasses.

TT: Have you seen him recently?

TA: 0f course n0t.

TA: havent even been trolled by the guy since the aster0id last left range.

TA: although that sh0uldnt last much longer.

Ah. This is a little awkward.

TT: I think I might have some bad news for you.

TT: He's dead.

There is a part of you which can't believe you just wrote that, can't comprehend the words on the screen. You want to claw it back, but it's already sent.

You guess you've known it for a while now, and the last hope you had left is spouting nonsense.

TA: he

TA: fuck

TA: what happened?

TA: was it jack?

Your heart hammers in your chest. Maybe this guy does know something.

TT: I don't know what happened.

TA: is that why y0u changed handles?

TA: oh g0d

TA: who are y0u really?

TA: whats going 0n?

You're a little amazed that this is the first time in the conversation someone has asked that question.

TT: Who's Jack?

TA: fuck.

TA: if youre screwing with me 0n this i will fuck up your hard drive s0 bad it wont walk straight for a m0nth.

TA: are you h0nestly telling me youve f0rgotten jack n0ir?

TT: I'm quite certain I have never encountered anyone by that name.

TA: also kn0wn as the giant devil dog last seen chasing the last aster0id full of surviv0rs through the furthest ring?

TT: As far as I am aware, nothing you just said was any kind of relevant to anything.

TA: let me check 0ut your numbers.

You wait for whatever he's doing, partly in the faint hope that this will somehow resolve into some form of clarity, and mostly because you've gone too far to back out now.

Striders finish what they start.

TA: 0kay that confirms it.

TA: y0ur address is all kinds of screwy.

TA: y0ure dead.

What.

TA: welcome t0 the afterlife.

TA: now get y0ur ghost data 0ff my line.

TA: i cant believe i almost flipped my shit 0ver some d0omed timeline.

TT: I am absolutely certain that I'm still alive, as evidenced by my continued ability to live, breathe, and listen to your wild claims.

TT: I am, however, increasingly suspicious that you are what medical parlance would commonly term 'batshit.'

TA: yes 0kay, it seems to y0u like youre alive.

TA: but trust me, y0u arent.

TA: now that ive t0ld you, y0u should start t0 get the vague sense of deja vu, the kn0wledge that this happened before but ended differently.

You consider it carefully, but you don't feel anything but confused and irritated. You definitely don't think anything like this has happened to you before.

TA: that means y0ure dead. sorry, wr0ng timeline, enjoy the dreambubble.

TA: n0w if you excuse me, i have t0 work 0ut how t0 stop y0ur signal is from interfering with my c0nnection.

TT: I'm not dead. I am not currently experiencing any of the symptoms you described, or those more classically associated with the condition, due to the reason that I am currently alive.

TA: c0me on. whats the last thing y0u remember?

TT: My memories are perfectly clear. My older brother died recently and the last thing he did was tell me to pester you. Given your current willingness to assist, I suspect this was intended as a final ironic gesture of affection through extreme aggravation.

You wait nearly a whole minute before getting a reply.

TA: dave strider was your 0lder brother?

TT: Yes. I am Dirk Strider. I'm a Strider who isn't Dave, it's not like we come by the dozen.

TT: How many Striders do you know?

TA: 0ne.

Something about that makes you wince. Your brother never mentioned you to this guy. He clearly wasn't expecting any kind of message from you. Whatever he might be talking about, he's clearly as confused about all of this as you are.

TA: your timeline must have been really fucked up.

TA: im surprised it lasted l0ng enough f0r you t0 contact any 0f us.

TA: lo0k, im not that great at this kind 0f thing.

TA: perhaps you sh0uld talk to aa.

TA: shes better at this stuff than i am.

You're tempted by the prospect of someone who might be able to help you. But the note said…

TT: I was instructed to contact you specifically. Presuming there is any point remaining to this conversation, that detail seems relevant.

TA: 0kay, okay. ill set up a mem0. the three of us can talk all at 0nce.

TA: aa will work 0ut whats going 0n.

You hope he's right.

twinArmageddons [TA] has invited timaeusTestified [TT] to join board whos this d0uchebag?

Here goes nothing.


	3. Aradia: Explain

?TA at ?:? opened memo on board who's this d0uchebag?

You pause for maybe a millisecond at that time stamp, but let it slide. You've been letting so much slide today your coefficient of friction is practically negative.

CURRENT timaeusTestified [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CTT: So where's this aa?

CTT: For that matter, who's aa?

?TA: i just messaged her, she'll be here in a second.

?TA: d0n't worry, she'll explain everything.

?TA: aa is much better at explaining this kind 0f thing than i am.

? apocalyseArisen [?AA] at ?:? responded to memo.

Speak of the devilfucking Dickens. This must be AA.

Do any of these people have normal usernames?

Then again, _you_ can hardly complain about that.

?AA: sollux?

?AA: whos this?

?TA: some l0ser from a d0omed timeline.

?TA: isn't it y0ur job t0 deal with these idiots?

?AA: sollux! dont call them an idiot!

?AA: sorry, hes a little insensitive sometimes.

CTT: I think I just about picked up that vibe.

?AA: so who are you?

CTT: The name's Dirk Strider, and beyond that I don't have the faintest fucking clue what you want me to tell you.

?TA: he says he's dave's y0unger brother.

?TA: i mean he's 0bviously d0omed he just d0esn't believe me.

?AA: that's strange!

CTT: Well it's who I am. Might be strange but that's just me.

?AA: i just meant the dave we know only had an older brother.

?AA: i cant imagine that any possible doomed timeline could change something like that!

?AA: whats your dream bubble like?

CTT: As I've already told your friend, I'm not asleep, dead, or in a dream bubble. I'm alive and kicking and reading a conversation which makes less sense than /b/.

CTT: What does any of this have to do with my brother?

?AA: sollux!

?AA: he wants to talk to dave.

?TA: the asteroid is 0ut of range.

?AA: he can still talk to him!

?AA: why didnt you tell him about the transtimeline features?

?TA: 0h fuck no.

?TA turned off transtimeline features for this memo.

?AA: sollux!

?TA: l0ok i kn0w you like fr0licking through the timelines like they're 0ne big playground but i am n0t getting caught up in that stupid memo bullshit ever again.

?TA: i sh0uld have done that the sec0nd we started playing the game.

?TA: trust me, dirk or whatever y0ur name is.

?TA: you'll thank me f0r this in the long run.

CTT: Thank you for what?

CTT: Apparently, whatever it is you just did to make sure I can't talk to my brother?

?AA: youll still be able to!

?AA: you just have to wait a week until the asteroid is back in range.

?AA: you should have been able to skip and talk to future dave but sol locked the timeline to linear.

?AA: transtimeline bulletins can get a little messy!

Okay. Time travel. You're okay with that thought. You can totally imagine how two separate time streams could be viewed as parallel through restrictions placed on the methods of communication between the two.

This is a reality you have no problem with picturing yourself in.

?AA: wait!

?AA: sol, he cant be in a dreambubble.

?AA: dreambubbles are in the same timestream as us.

?AA: his time stamp is from another universe!

What.

CTT: What the fuck does that mean?

CTT: How many universes are there?

?TA: i d0n't believe this.

?AA: i think hes from the new session!

?AA: dirk, i can explain everything!

Wow. Are you actually going to get some answers?

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TT: AR, get that for me would you?

AR: Sure thing, bro.

AR: What are you up to?

You haven't made these logs available to AR yet. Your cursor hovers over the option to do so, but after a couple of seconds you still haven't clicked.

This is something you want to keep private.

TT: Just tell her I'm in the shower, would you?

AR: OK.

CTT: I'm listening.


	4. Dirk: Wake Up

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you've just been told a story which sounds grade-A psycho. You should close the window, laugh off these sorry trolls, and forget that any of this ever happened.

You don't. In fact, you think you might be starting to believe this bullshit. It doesn't help when Aradia says things like:

?AA: even though all of this sounds crazy youll probably find that you believe it anyway!

?AA: the universe spends years preparing you to accept the game!

?TA: yeah, you were pretty much screwed 0ver from the start.

But you still have one problem with all of this.

CTT: So if I believe what you're saying, I'm fated to play a game which will simultaneously destroy and save the world, and everything is going to go down in about a year.

?AA: pretty much!

CTT: So what the fuck am I supposed to be doing in the meantime?

They go silent for a minute, and you suspect they've opened up a private chat to work out how best to phrase "hell if we know."

?AA: there are a lot of things you can do to prepare for the game!

?AA: the most important of which is

?AA: WAKE UP

CTT: rrtfghyu7ji

* * *

><p>Your name is Dirk Strider and your room just turned red. Also, you teleported to the bed and found yourself wearing some pretty snazzy purple duds.<p>

Well, fuck. Look's like Aradia was telling the truth. You're on Derse.

You fly outside. The streets are pretty much empty, but you find a piece of paper on the ground – scratch that, it's a whole newspaper. Looks like a fairly typical sleazy tabloid, but you flick through anyway.

You encounter a picture of yourself.

The page is called "Tower Watch," and the caption next to your sleeping mug reads "Prince of Heart slumbers on." This is a sub-point to the main story – "Rogue of Void vanishes" – but the only image there is of an empty tower.

Well, that's all kinds of interesting, but right now you reckon it's time to head back to the real world. You return to your room and lie down. Right, time to wake up.

Wait, how do you –

* * *

><p>No problem.<p>

Unfortunately, your unplanned nap has left you with a face full of keyboard, and Pesterchum has signed you out due to inactivity. The last couple of lines after your keyboard smash read:

?AA: good night dirk!

?TA: i can't believe that w0rked.

You log back in, but the pair of them have gone offline. You check the clock – three am. Striders don't keep anyone's schedule, but it's too long since you've had a sleep you planned on getting.

You can deal with this in the morning.


End file.
